Uninformed Comment

Empty your pockets, please

Posted in Crime and the Law, Humour, Personal, Reminiscences and anecdotes by uninformedcomment on February 16, 2010

Today I had to go to the local Law Courts for a meeting with a Probate Commissioner; just some red tape in executing my recently deceased mother’s will.

On entering the building, I had to empty my pockets and pass through a metal detector, presumably in case I was planning a spot of terrorising.

I wasn’t prepared for this.  If I had been, I’d have brought a wheelbarrow. My pockets contained:

  • House keys
  • Remote-control fob for my flat’s burglar alarm
  • Nokia N810 pocket computer
  • Spare battery for above
  • Miniature video camera
  • Mobile phone
  • Reading glasses in soft case
  • Cigarettes
  • Lighter
  • Spare lighter
  • Bank card
  • Loyalty card (Iceland)
  • Loyalty card (Tesco)
  • Prescription pre-payment card
  • Library card
  • Leaflet describing probate procedures
  • About £3.50 in loose change
  • £10 note
  • Handkerchief (well, I forgot it wasn’t metal by the time I came to it)

All of this had to be placed into a plastic tray, and then I had to walk through the metal detector. I always set metal detectors off. I set this one off. So I had to spread my arms while I was wanded, and then lift my jumper to show that it was a belt-buckle, not a bomb, that was setting off the wand.

Having successfully been proved harmless (as if looks weren’t enough), I had to replace all that stuff in my pockets.

Everyone got a good view of the contents of my pockets – needless to say, I wasn’t the only one there. After all, it’s a court of law, and this city isn’t exactly short of criminals to be tried. Including, presumably, people facing charges of mugging, extortion, pickpocketting and so on, not to mention lawyers.

If I ever have to go back there, I’ll not just bring a wheelbarrow, I’ll bring a privacy screen too.

Chinese screen and wheelbarrow

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